What I am is the best mom I can be. Most days I'm a good mom, some days I'd even go as far as saying I'm a great mom. But among the days of being a parent, are moments, hours or even the whole day when I'm being a bad mom. Maybe though, that's the word that we so freely add to those moments that make us feel poorly about ourselves, hindering us from picking ourselves up and dusting off. Rather, this enables us as a parent to fall into a downward spiral of comparing how we parent to others. In turn, this just develops your concept that there are better parents than you out there. In those restricting, demanding, immature, tantrum....ahem...moments, instead of qualifying your parental skills as bad or even naming yourself a bad mother or father, we should say that "I wasn't the best parent I could be in this situation". With this, maybe we won't feel so disheartened by our individual name calling; but rather be proactive and do better from this point on. This is not to say we won't slip along the way; but we should continue to grow from the everyday, ever-changing situations with a child(ren). We need to stop qualifying how we are as a parent by one incident or by how another parent copes, teaches or plays with their child. We need to focus on being the best parent we can be as the unique individuals we are.
So with that being said, here is my biggest fault...I'm very quick to anger. Many people who know me may be surprised by this. It usually isn't a trait that comes out at work or out with friends. This personal characteristic actually isn't something that I truly learned about myself until I became a parent. In all honesty, I've learned more about myself when I started having to care for my little loves. This quick to anger trait doesn't just come out with upsetting moments. It rears it's ugly head with frustration, impatience, sleep deprivation, and chores not being done or not done to my standard (my poor, poor husband). Many times, it's a combination of a few of those situations...because let's be honest, what parent is never sleep deprived?! Obviously this trait is problematic when you own and share your home with a partner and are raising children, at any age. I'd say my redeeming quality after this sometimes impossible anger is the fact that rather than dwelling on this not so attractive characteristic, everyday I work at being better, at doing better.
I try not to post negative things on the internet. The biggest reason is because we already see enough negativity or let too many things dampen our positivity. The other reason is out of embarrassment. If I feel like I would be embarrassed about a not so pleasant comment, I refrain from posting. Maybe that's why some readers and Facebook followers feel like there aren't any bad days. But to go with the theme of this post, here are a couple of examples of my not so stellar mom moments:
- Everyday, Bug and I go over the date, the weekday, the weather, his name and a letter of the alphabet. When I first started this activity, Bug obviously hadn't grasped the full concept, so some days he would remember parts of the lesson, and the next day those same parts would be forgotten. One of those days where he was unable to recall the information, I was getting rather upset. My husband told me it was time to stop the "lesson" as we weren't having fun anymore. I proceeded to say, in an angry tone..."it's learning, it isn't supposed to be fun"! Haha, RRRIIIGGGHHHTT...that's the obvious lesson I wanted to teach my 3 year old (at the time). I quickly saw the errors of my ways, but my lapse of judgement made me realize I'm not remotely close to being a capable teacher to educate our youth. My respect for teachers, even though already high, grew substantially at that moment.
- You'd think after the previous teaching fiasco, I would have been easier on my toddler when beginning to teach him how to spell his name by letter recognition. So, because that just seems so basic to me, it's safe and rational to assume it should seem basic and easy to my then 3 year old, right?! Mom moment of the year I'm sure, but I was borderline yelling at my toddler for not grasping the concept of spelling his name. I mean, that's something we know from birth...haha...again, why I am NOT a teacher.
I'm a real mom, who tries to balance family life, my career, quality time with my husband and of course "me" time; all while trying to keep my petulant inner child at bay. My toddler does have to occasionally ask me the same question 4-5 times before I pay attention (usually after he has used my own words back at me, asking why I don't listen to him). Most of those times are because I'm too "busy" checking my Facebook account. I do tell myself that it is okay for my child to be attached to our iPad for the day because it has Apps that teach him...all because I need to get some chores done, I want some quiet time or I simply need some Mommy VDV time. I will listen to my youngest make a fuss, asking him to stop MULTIPLE times before I remind myself that they are only this little and dependent for such a short time; and I will be missing the day when all my boys need and want is me.
It is because of my faults as a parent that I find that something special that makes the time with my family uniquely mine. We all do what we need to do, to TRY to be the best we can be. We aren't meant to be perfect; which is funny that individually we try to strive for that. I don't want my kids to remember me as a quick to anger mommy. That's what pushes me to constantly work away from that trait...especially since I expect myself to stumble through this parental role. I AM going to get angry, sometimes warranted; embarrassingly, most times completely not. But my creativity, organizing and planning are my outlets, to hopefully guide the energy I easily direct to anger into something fun and wonderful. I do these activities not just for my kids, but for me too. I want to become a better parent while my kids easily show me their unconditional love, so when they become the impossible teenagers, we have something substantial to fall back on or to grow with. Or when their mother has her moment....okay, moments of terrible twos, they won't be phased because of the many special moments we have already created. They will know that more will come. I plan and organize because I know that my first day off after my last night shift is filled with sleep deprivation, which only leads to impatience and irrationality for this mommy. If I plan something fun and interactive on this day, I have something to look forward to; making me pay attention to the joy on my sons faces rather than the bags under my eyes (sigh...).
This blog is not to make you feel bad as a parent. They are just ideas of how us VDV four fill our days. Hopefully, some of them intrigue other parents to try out the activities or maybe to get your own creative juices flowing. We all do our own special things with our kids that they will hold dear. Whether it's crafts, insanely type "A" organized learning and play (who me?!), cooking, baking, excursions into their hometown, working out or being active, or simply having a pajama snuggly time under their favourite blanket. The point is just to do something, as organized or impromptu as you'd like.
If you don't share anything else on this blog, maybe just share this. You are wonderful with your imperfections as a parent BECAUSE you have the special love of your child that you help nurture by the things you do to create moments for them.
I am not perfect. I don't try to be. I just try to be better, to do better, and to do right by my little loves.
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